Ladies First, but Not Always
I am often asked what the general rules are for letting a woman go first whether it be through a door, into a car, etc. Before I give some simple tips, I think it’s important to distinguish the need for the act versus a considerate tradition that I feel maintains a more interesting contrast between man and woman. Most of this relates to courtesies which refer to gender roles designed to flatter and to honor. I firmly believe men and women are absolutely equal and there should never be an etiquette that is misunderstood to offend or imply otherwise. If a woman is offended, it means you’re not doing it right. It should always be an offer that can be accepted or not. I also believe we should preserve the rules and traditions that add meaning, fun, and texture to life. If we all try to do the exact same things to please one another, life would get very boring and there would be a lot less attractive to that which makes a man or a woman charmingly different. It is a way that ladies and gentlemen express themselves to each other, so let’s keep it that simple.
Another important note to add is that these rules are not only for women. A gentleman should also always follow these rules for someone more physically burdened. An older person, a person with an obvious physical ailment, or a person holding a lot in their arms, should all be treated with the same rules and consideration.
TIPS
Going up the stairs: The woman should go up first in order to have your support behind in the event of a stumble or fall.
Going down the stairs: The man should go down first to act as a protection against falling down (this also helps my wife when she’s wearing extremely high heels and she holds onto my shoulder descending).
Going out of a restaurant or establishment: The man opens the door for the woman but he goes out first and holds it open as she exits (the traditional idea was to protect from any unknown danger).
Going into a restaurant or establishment: The man opens the door and lets the woman enter first but gets next to her inside right away as opposed to holding the door for others endlessly. There have been so many times I have been stuck holding the door for throngs of people entering a restaurant, but my responsibility is to my company and not everyone else.
Ordering food or a beverage: The woman should always order first. Never be the guy who tries to impress and order for both - this certainly is offensive - unless the woman requests your help with her order.
Boarding a boat: The man boards first and offers a hand to be able to help the woman board from the dock.
There are undoubtedly many more instances in which you can wonder who should go first. Whenever you’re not sure, just try to be as natural as possible and always put the other person’s needs first. Kindness and consideration take every gentleman a long way.
As always, I hope these tips help. Please share feedback or ask additional questions in the comments.
