Opening the car door is just the first step

photo by: Eugene Smith

It happens all the time. I see a man opening the back door of a taxi or an Uber for a woman and then stepping aside to let her get in and scoot herself across the back seat so that he can get in after her. While I applaud the gesture to open the door, I feel obliged to share that there is another step in being a real gentleman in this instance. Clearly, the man is trying to do the right thing, so I give him a 10 for the thought, but a 5 for partial execution. 

The right way to be a gentleman in opening the car door is to open the door closest to the sidewalk for a woman or an elderly person, let them take the immediate seat, ask if you may close the door, and then close it and go on the other side of the vehicle.

Considering the fact that manners and etiquette tend to have an explanation 99% of the time as to the history or purpose, this gesture boils down to common sense. The outcome of this action is to make the experience as comfortable as possible. No woman or elderly person wants to have to shimmy across a back seat - potentially ruining or damaging their clothing and undeniably being physically uncomfortable in the process if they're older than 15 years old. A gentleman must always think of the experience of the other person as a fundamental first step. Put yourself in their shoes and then do as you would want to be done for yourself. 

In the past, when cars took over carriages, this became an act of good manners. It is much easier for a woman to be able to sit in a car without having to deal with the door while handling a purse or a long dress. It also served as an act of protection in always being the one outside of the car while she gets safely inside.

In NYC, I understand that it can prove to be challenging, given the unspoken 10-second rule, to enter a car without getting hit by a biker or risking to block the street and hearing the most creative insults. In this case, I would suggest (even if some people will think you are rude) to open the door, YOU jump in first and shimmy over and let the lady or enter last. Remember, the ultimate outcome is her comfort. In modern etiquette this is one of the few cases when  the man gets in first

Rule: Always think of how to serve others first.