Gentleman on the road

Between commuting back and forth to the city and spending the weekends on the North Fork, I can say I spend more time in the car than the average New Yorker.

In my many hours logged, I have come across many different behaviors, and I have experienced first-hand the lack of manners that is somehow amplified on the road. To avoid being a perfect example of “the pot calling the kettle black," I must profess that I am in constant training to be a gentleman on the road myself. I have the tendency to be a bit of a “passionate” driver, rather than a leisurely one. I have to repeat to myself that I am not in a car race, and I can’t expect everybody on the road to drive as I would expect. Deep breaths and calmly considering the lives of other drivers proves to help tremendously when I am stuck driving 10 miles under the speed limit down country roads or being nearly driven off the road by a NYC taxi.

Now, it would be much more pleasant if each of us would be more aware of others and act accordingly. Here are a few common sense tips (although I am learning more and more that “common sense" is not really common in most cases of manners):

FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOUR MOOD SHOULD NOT DICTATE THE WAY YOU DRIVE.

Put yourself in the other’s shoes: As a standard good practice in being a gentleman, one must be able to consider the other person. By genuinely trying to put yourself in the other drivers’ shoes, immediate empathy should ensue and their otherwise frustrating behavior becomes more tolerable. They may just be having a terrible day, and two wrongs do not make a right, so be the higher person and meet the negative with a positive. If they are old and nervous, this is an even bigger reason to consider their state and be kind and courteous. As a first exercise, pause, take a deep breath, and try to consider the other person before yourself. It will work wonders.

Red lights are not starting gates for racing: I realize many of us grew up loving the idea of a race. It seems to have been ingrained in us from a young age to get out of the starting gate at Mach 5 and leave the other cars in the dust! But, this is also very juvenile behavior in an actual car on the road. If another driver seems to be revving their engine or creeping forward the entire red light, gently pass them a smile and wave them ahead. You may feel like a fool, but just grind your teeth and wait for your competitive nature to subside. Your actions will immediately deflate any sense of rivalry and possibly give the other guy a pointer in trying to be less aggressive.

Your car shouldn’t beg for attention: Unless you’re actually driving in a Monster truck, your wheels do not need to be bigger than your car, and unless you’re in a 1970’s film or the Formula 1, you don’t need to have decked out rims or wild colors. Keep it classy and don’t try to get attention for the wrong reasons. A gentleman wants to be noticed for his character and not his car.

Merge like a zipper: In circumstance of heavy traffic where two lanes are merging, don’t try to block cars coming in or aggressively invade the lane (how many times have we experienced trying to merge on the road where cars are literally touching each other just not to let you in…) The rule is one car from one lane and one car from the other lane (alternate when merging). Trust me, letting someone in in front of you will impact your driving time not more than 10 seconds.

Use your signal lights: Any time you want to change direction always use the signal lights; you can’t pretend everybody around you should know your movements, so please advise what your next movement will be. It’s one of the easiest ways to avoid an accident.

Stay in the right Lane: How many times have you experienced happily envisioning Godzilla taking the car in front of you and throwing it a few miles away?! But since that is not a real option, if you decide you like to cruise under the speed limit, make sure you stay in the farthest lane to the right. The left lane is supposed to be for people to pass other cars or to go at a faster speed. Don’t be the guy that slows down the traffic for everyone.

Don’t create the impossible wall in the highway: I’m sure it has happened to all of us where we arrive at a point where you can’t pass any car in any lane, not because of the traffic, but because three cars in three different lanes decided to go at the same speed. It can be really be frustrating to other drivers. To avoid any uncomfortable confrontation on the road, make sure you are aware of others, and move your car either in front or in back of the car on your right so that the left lane is clear.

Look in your mirrors: Make sure you are aware of what is happening behind you; remember you are not the only car on the road.

Don’t tailgate: It’s really dangerous to get too close the the car in front of you. You never know if the driver in front will get upset, nervous or scared and by instinct will hit the brakes or lose control of the car. No matter how good of a driver you are it can be really difficult to avoid a collision, and by law the person in the back is almost always at fault for not respecting the safety distance rule.

Don’t speed up when you are being passed: There is something as sure as death and taxes, and that is when you try to pass somebody he will speed up. Let’s be gentleman and more mature than that. If somebody is trying to pass you, he most likely has his reasons.

Don’t block the intersection: If you see that there is traffic in front of you, even if you have the green light, stop before the intersection and go only if you have enough space in front of you. This ensures that in case the traffic stops, you are leaving the intersection in the clear.

Be aware of your passengers: Being in charge has a different feeling when you are driving a vehicle, but we have to consider who else we have with us. Some of your behavior may make a passenger feel terribly uncomfortable and unsafe, so consider all the above “driving rules" even more when you are not by yourself. Also avoid pot holes, sharp turns, fast brakes… just use your common sense by putting yourself in their shoes.

Never text and drive: When you take your eyes off the road! Just to look at a text for five seconds may have allowed your car to cover the distance of a football field. Sending or reading a text takes your eyes off the road for 4.6 seconds. At 55 mph, that's like driving the length of an entire football field (a field is 360 feet, or 120 yards, long), blindfolded. Enough time to drive into oncoming traffic or off the road. It’s extraordinarily dangerous!

Now that I’m a parent I realized how much our kids look to us, and they absorb everything we do. As creepy as it sounds, it is quite extraordinary. We have, then, two choices: either be a great example and raise a better human, or let your child think that bad manners are just the norm. If you are a parent, you must use the best you, at least in front of your children.

Too many people have to make an insurance claim because of poor driving. Every year, poor driving causes accidents, injuries, and sadly, deaths. But by following the above advice, and taking your “Gentlemanly Self” on the road, you’ll be a more responsible driver, reducing the risk of accidents and injuries to yourself and others. This “pot" is going to take his own advice seriously. There is nothing worse than for me to call the kettle black.

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