Understand your table setting

Have you ever been invited to a formal meal and been overwhelmed by the array of plates, bowls, glassware and silverware that sits in front of you? It can be confusing, for sure. Here are a few typical reactions:

The shy person will appear uncomfortable, look nervous, maybe break into a sweat, and feel quite judged.

The arrogant person will look unprepared, but he will try to cover this up by talking louder and laughing loudly at strange times. He simply amplifies his arrogant ignorance.

The clueless person will have no problem with his situation and will go through the meal happily unaware that he is doing the wrong things all the time. In my experience, he is usually the friend of a friend that got invited.

And all of us may find ourselves in this kind of situation at least once in our lives. It can prompt us to learn etiquette quickly.  

A table setting can be complicated if one is sitting down to a seven course formal meal. I have included two images of such a table settings to help you grasp the visual understanding of what goes where and when it is to be used.

Also know what is what

Here are several guidelines to using your table setting correctly. First, your host or hostess should set the table with only the silver, dishes, and glassware that should be needed for the meal that is being served.

Forks are to be used if the food is served upon a plate. Spoons are used for food that is served in a cup, dish or bowl. Knives are used for spreading or for cutting. The knife blade should be sharp if it is to cut meat and rounded if it is to spread butter or jams or possibly to cut softer things such as vegetables.

The correct time to use each piece is dictated by the courses of the meal. The furthest out pieces are used first, and you work your way in as the courses are served, again using forks with plated food, spoons with liquid or soft, bowled food, and knives as needed. As you can see in the images, there are dessert and special utensils set at the top and far sides of truly formal place settings. These are used as designated. You just have to remember those. When in doubt, glance at your hostess or host to see what she or he has selected. 

If, by chance, you have picked up the wrong utensil for a certain course, you may put it down and pick up the correct one. If your server has taken the used utensil, you can just politely mention to your server that you were so engrossed in conversation that you mistakenly used one utensil already and now need another to finish out the meal. No need to be embarrassed, as this has happened to most people at one time or another. A good host or hostess is more interested in his or her guests' comfort than in whether they get everything right, anyway, and someone who judges your missteps in etiquette at a table has to think about his or her own lack of manners.

Let’s talk. I would love to hear from you if you have questions or comments.